Never Pray for Patience!

Having patience has always been a struggle for me. So I often ask God to help me get better at it. The only problem with that is that He gives me opportunities to practice! Last week, just as I was getting ready to print a MAJOR project for my piano students since lessons are starting soon, my printer toner ran low. No big deal. I took the cartridge out, shook it around a bit, and put it back in. I got a few more copies out of it before it started fading again. Well, having to buy more toner was the least of my worries. Soon, a horrible screeching noise could be heard throughout the house! Something was obviously very wrong with the Trusty Printer that had served me well for 6 years, so I cancelled the print and opened up the printer. As long as it was open, there was quiet. As soon as I would close it, the screech would return.
Time spent: 10 minutes

Later, after unplugging it for awhile, I tried plugging it back in, and letting it make the horrendous sound while it warmed up. It did finally stop the noise, but sent an error message and refused to print. I tried this a few more times. Next, my mechanically gifted husband took it apart to see if there was an obvious problem he could fix. No success.
Time spent: 30 minutes

That evening I tried the online support. I followed all the advice, but to no avail. The error message I'd received was a "critical failure" message, so they recommended contacting Hewlett Packard.
Time spent: 45 minutes (we have dial-up, remember)

Friday I called HP. I must say, their customer service reps were all very friendly, and I could almost understand them all. But, their system could definitely use some improvement on getting you to the right place! I talked to a machine for awhile, then finally got a person. The first conversation was with a technicican who listened to my story, and suggested a trade-in. After explaining everything, he then told me the cost. Only a quarter of what I'd paid for Trusty Printer, so I went ahead and did that.
Time spent: 30 minutes

Monday my printer arrives. Lo and behold, it's an entirely different model. The guy on the phone neglected to tell me that. This is a newer one and better-featured, but it didn't have a flat-bed scanner, which I need to use quite frequently for piano lessons. If you were the guy on the phone, don't you think you would've mentioned that? Then again, maybe he did, but not in English. So, I call them back. The friendly female machine voice that answers does not give options that sound like what I need, but I pick one and plug along. After trying to give the model number 3 times, she gives up and connects me. To the on-hold music, that is. . . Chinese. I listen to that for quite awhile, before talking to someone, who puts me on hold again. Spanish guitar this time. Quite nice. Finally I'm able to explain that Wrong Printer will not work for what I need to do; I need a different one. OK, they can do that for me. For triple the price. Lovely. But, still cheaper than buying a new one, so I say yes.
Time spent: 40 minutes + unpacking and repacking the printer

Wednesday printer #2 arrives. The FedEx woman knows me personally by now. I try to send the other one back with her. (HP does pay the shipping, praise the Lord for that!) But she's only for Express, and Wrong Printer must be shipped Ground. I thank her and go inside, very excited to get this working. The boys help me unpack, and set up the printer. I get the hardware connected and test the printing. Great! It works! Then I try to test the copying. The feeder isn't working, so I open the flat-bed, and there's a 2-inch strip of glass that had broken out, and was lying inside the machine. You've got to be kidding me!!!
Time spent: 30 minutes

Back on the phone with HP. More machine voices with bad options. More failure to recognize my model number. (I think I actually told the machine I hated her. Real mature, I know.) More Chinese music. More Spanish guitar. Two more reps (one of whom speaks English so well you think she might've actually visited the US for an extended time!) More failing my patience test while I whisper-yell at my kids to be quiet (again and again). Resorting to Dad's snap-the-fingers-with-a-threatening-look-on-your-face technique. Finally, HP resolves the problem. Oh wait, that was for a refurbished machine. Let's do it again so I get a new one, with a full-year warranty. I could go on describing all we went through, but why torture you all?
Time spent: 45 minutes, plus pain and suffering

Did my best to shove Trusty Printer into Box #2 as told. Not the same size, so I chiseled the styrofoam and made it fit. Ran out of packing tape. Went to Walmart (for the 2nd time that day). Last night took Trusty Printer and Wrong Printer to FedEx Ground shipping center. Nearest one--20 minutes away and I couldn't find it.
Time spent: at least 1hr 15minutes, plus vaccuuming up styrofoam (not finished with that yet)

Fortunately, Broken Glass Printer could still print, so I was able to take care of a couple urgent printing matters before returning it.

Today, the FedEx lady and I had a heart-to-heart conversation about the slope of our driveway since we've gotten to know each other so well. I took the box but hesitated to open it, for fear of having to endure another phone call to HP. A couple hours later I opened it. Nothing broken!!! I hooked it all up, installed the software, tested everything, and it all works!! Of course, now I can't get the paper feed tray to come off of Broken Glass Printer--it's permanently attached I think, so I can't get it back in the return box. Hopefully Heath can fix that when he gets home. Then tomorrow I can go back to the FedEx place 20 minutes away, and send that one back. Then, barring any complications (like HP charging my credit card for 3 machines) this mess should be behind me!
Time spent: 1 hour and counting

I have not yet mastered the art of patience, but have had plenty of time to practice during this situation. So, in summary,
DEALING WITH HP--3 hours;
INSTALLATION, UNPACKING, AND MAILING--4 hours;
BLOGGING ABOUT THIS TO RELEASE MY PAIN--35 minutes;
HAVING THE OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE PATIENCE IN ANNOYING CIRCUMSTANCES LIKE THESE--priceless!