A Good Week

Well, we've been home from the hospital almost a week and despite all my griping and worrying, everything's been going OK.  Managing the catheters and ostomy isn't fun, but I'm not emotionally overwhelmed by it anymore.  Heath's been home a lot this week and done the majority of the work, and I know we have a lot of prayer support.  And it's working!  Thanks for praying for me . . . God has given me peace about all this, and I'm going to make it!

In addition, we've also had a few delicious meals delivered (thanks Mom R, Mary Ellen, and Bekah), and we even got our date night (thanks to our friends Jaci and Kelly)!  So, it hasn't been all bad!

Tabitha is doing really well.  She's not on any pain medicine anymore, and she's up and around, almost back to her old self.  We're trying to keep her somewhat calm so she doesn't rip out any of her contraptions, but she definitely has most of her energy and all of her spirit back.  She's doing OK with the tubes and all, but a couple of times she's gotten teary eyed and said, "Mommy, why do I have to have these?"  That really broke my heart because I'd only been concerned that she not be in pain; I hadn't thought about it bothering her emotionally, but I guess it does.  Fortunately, it's only temporary.

We go back to Cincinnati on Thursday, just for one night, for her post-op appointments.  They'll take out 2 of the tubes then, so she'll be down to just 2 tubes and the ostomy.  Please pray about scheduling the ostomy take-down.  They told us 8-12 weeks, which puts it as the 2nd week of July as the earliest.  And what's the earliest we could travel to China to adopt Rayanna?  You guessed it--the 2nd week of July.  We don't know our adoption travel dates until 3 weeks ahead of time, so it really makes it hard to figure out how to schedule Tabitha's surgery.  If we did it before adopting, we'd want Tabitha to be totally recovered before we go, but we wouldn't want to keep Rayanna waiting any longer than necessary.  If we did it after the adoption, it adds a stressful event to the already stressful adjustment period.  So pray that we'll know what to do, and that the medical issues and adoption issues all work out somehow!

We really do have so much to be thankful for.  To name just a few . . .
-Her ileostomy is only temporary; some people have it for life.
-Her hospital stays are occasional and planned, not life-threatening or constant.
-We have amazing insurance.  We haven't gotten the bill yet, but we're guessing (based on her previous surgeries) that this will be a couple hundred thousand dollars.  And all we have to pay is a $30 copay.
-God led us to the world's best hospital and doctors for handling Tabitha's issues.  In fact, her surgeon is the partner of the doctor that invented the surgery she had done, which was a huge improvement on the way it used to be done.
-We live here and now.  Thirty years ago this procedure hadn't been figured out, and there was no Colorectal Center like this.  Let alone had we lived in another century, when she probably wouldn't have even survived.  We also live in a country that is blessed with amazing doctors and technology.  And, even though I complained a lot about our hospital stay, it was luxury compared to many other hospitals.  For comparison, here are some pictures of the hospital we spent a few hours in with Tabitha in China: crowded, dirty, IV's on poles, payment required before treatment . . .

And here is Cincinnati Children's Hospital:  bright, cheery, clean, safe, and comfortable . . . 

We really have NOTHING to complain about!

We're Getting Close!

I've been so busy with Tabitha's surgery that I haven't even had time to think about how close we're getting to Rayanna!  While we were in Ohio a letter came saying that our I800 approval had been forwarded to the US Consulate in Guangzhou.  From this point it takes about 2-3 weeks to get approval from them.  Then it takes 3-4 weeks to get Travel Approval from China.  Then about 3 weeks after that, we go!  So we're looking at the middle of July for travel.

While we were at the hospital, other people were working on our behalf.  Heath's brother's wife, along with many others from their church, plus some other friends and family, held a big bake sale at Walkersville Days, with all the proceeds going toward our adoption!  We've had a couple other friends who held sales to raise money for us, plus we've had several friends and family donating directly.  Not to mention all the people who are praying for us!  We are so blessed!  It is exciting to see the body of Christ working together to minister to a precious little orphan on the other side of the world . . . who won't be an orphan for long!

I'm hoping that things will settle down with Tabitha's needs, so that once we finish school (2 more weeks) I'll have some time to mentally and logistically prepare for Rayanna's arrival and our trip.  It'll be here before we know it!

Home Sweet Home

Tabitha and I were released from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  The trip home was fine.  She actually did really well sitting in her car seat and didn't complain about her bottom hurting until we were almost home.  Thank you Lord for that!  She was so happy to be out of there, and I was too!  She just seemed so happy and relieved, and we had some really cute conversations on the way.  (Heath and I have noticed something different about her voice and how she talks ever since the surgery.  I have no idea why, but she has a different laugh, a different tone to her voice, and her speech is actually more clear than usual.  We can't figure it out!)  But, anyway,  we had a good trip home.

The boys were really sweet to Tabitha when she got back, and she even shared some of her new gifts with them!  Heath's working nights this week, but (being the awesome husband that he is) he rearranged his schedule so he could be there when we got home.  He took care of Tabitha during the night so I could have a good night's sleep.  I love that man!  

It's amazing how getting out of the hospital changes your perspective.  As soon as we started driving away I felt like it's all going to be OK.  I think when you're surrounded by just the "yucky" hospital stuff, it begins to look like this huge insurmountable mountain.  But once you're back in the big wide world, things get back into perspective and don't seem so terrible anymore.  Plus, I have LOTS of people praying for me!  (Thanks!)  She did sleep a lot on the way home, and I had some good time to just think and pray.  I'm feeling much more positive about all this medical stuff we have to deal with.  I still don't like it, but I know that God will get us through and will use it for good.  He's definitely working on my attitude.  I listened to this song on the way home and want to share it here too:

We're Outta Here!!!!

(well, almost)

Why I Love Hospitals

There are so many perks about staying in a hospital that you just can't find anywhere else!

Where else can you have no responsibilities for any decisions?  When to eat, when to pee, when to poop, when to take medicine . . . it's all decided for you!

Where else do people care so much about you that they're willing to check on you every hour, even if you're sound asleep?  They even go so far as to stagger their visits just to make sure nothing comes up in between the hourly visits!

Where else can you feel so important that you have strangers visiting your living space in hordes, even if you're not dressed and it's 6 am?  Where else do people feel so comfortable with your relationship that they don't even need to call first?

Where else do experts make all the decisions for you, and you don't even have to worry about whether or not you understand?

Where else can you not even worry about trash and laundry, knowing they will be emptied even in the middle of the night?

Where else do new people take 12-hour shifts for the chance to get to know you, and then, as soon as you're comfortable with them, they graciously give the next person a turn?

Where else can you wear a beautiful gown every day and not even worry about what it does or doesn't cover?

Where else does someone care enough to keep track of every thing that goes into and comes out of your body?

Where else can you hear an alarm every time your breathing changes or you move around?

Where else can you be sure not to oversleep, by having someone rearrange you every so often and give you the assurance that you're still breathing and your heart's still beating?

Where else do visitors put themselves on a nocturnal schedule, just so you can have a perky peppy voice come and dispel the darkness at 2 am?

Where else (besides jail) do you have to wait for permission to leave?

Ahhh....I just love hospitals.

She's Up!

Tabitha and I just got back from a WALK down the hall!  Actually, we went down our hall and around the corner down another hall and back.  And I only held her arm.  She held most of her own weight!  Now, she did walk kind of like a saddle-sore drunkard, but it's progress!  She was even asking to go farther, despite the fact that she was whimpering.  She wants to ride the elevator, so I think after dinner we'll go for another walk.

I was feeling really discouraged about this this afternoon because she was getting angry and wouldn't even try.  But she was so happy to be out of the room just now that I think she'll be more eager to try again next time.  Thank you Lord for this big step!  Hallelujah!

I Just Want Normal

Feel free not to read this if you're not in the mood for griping and blunt honesty.  And I preface this by saying I know I have things easy compared to much of the world's population, and I should be (and am) grateful for the wonderful blessings in my life.  But these are the feelings I'm struggling with.  

I am absolutely emotionally exhausted from everything having to do with Tabitha over the past 2 years.  I love her and wouldn't trade her for the world, but I'm just tired.  I just want "normal" life back.  I feel like it's been one surprise after another from the adoption process to the bonding to the medical needs.  And each surprise is a little worse than the one before it.

Mainly, it's the medical issues that I'm upset about.  I know that in reality we're on a long road that has a good ending, but I feel like each step we make takes us farther from normal life.  We were quite naive when we accepted a referral for a child with "repaired imperforate anus."  I thought repaired meant repaired.  Well....as of 6 days ago it's repaired the right way, and even that really doesn't mean anything.  I thought we would need a quick surgery to remove her extra thumb, and she might need to take laxatives on a regular basis.  HA!  Surprise, surprise....that is NOT how it has been.

I could write a book on all the surprises we've been dealt, and how I've handled them (or not handled them).  But the latest surprises are what's getting to me.  We knew the ileostomy was a possibility, but I guess I was in denial that it would really happen.  I've had great encouragement from friends, family, and parents experienced with this, and I know we will make it.  The truth of the matter is, I DON'T WANT TO.  There's a reason I didn't go into the medical field.  I "don't do" gross bodily things.  If only saying that would make it true.  Unfortunately no matter how much I "don't do" this stuff, there's no getting out of it.  I have to do it.  Of course, a couple years ago I wouldn't have thought I could cath someone.  A few months ago I swore I couldn't do enemas.  And now I'm sure I can't handle an ostomy.  And by that I don't mean that I am physically incapable of doing it; I mean that I'm emotionally incapable of doing it with a positive attitude.  

In case the ostomy wasn't enough, there are a bunch of foods she can't eat while she has it.  She'll also have 2 tubes coming from the bladder (through her SKIN) to drain stuff.  So until the ostomy closure she'll have 2 additional holes/tubes in her belly, besides the ostomy.  And the latest development (as of yesterday) is that we're also going home with 2 additional catheters (one from each ureter) that are also coming through holes in her belly.  These will be removed at her post-op visit in 2 weeks.  So going home, that's 4 holes in the belly, 5 tubes, 2 urine leg bags, the ostomy bag on her belly, and the other tube that drains who knows what into her diaper.  And I was hoping for a date night when we got back, since I haven't seen my husband in almost 2 weeks.  Yeah right.  

I remember when she had her constant poopy diapers, how hard it was for me to snuggle her and enjoy holding her because of the smell.  And now she's got bodily waste hanging off her body every which way.  I'm not handling it well.  I just want normal.  This surgery was supposed to "fix" things (and rationally, I know it has), but I feel like we're worse off than we were before hand.  I'm trying so hard to keep these feelings to myself and not give her any hint that I'm grossed out by all this.  I put on my happy face (well, my grin-and-bear-it face) and do what needs to be done, praying that she won't catch a drift of how I'm feeling about it all.

I guess it wouldn't be that bad if we were just going to sit home all summer until she gets this thing reversed.  But we can't do that.  We do have to go out and about at times.  We have church Day Camp next month.  Are they going to handle an ostomy bag?  Highly doubt it.  We have a family reunion in July.  Will I be able to relax and have fun having to deal with the bag and the fear it might leak?  Highly doubt it.  We're supposed to be going to China for another adoption in July.  Do we want to be adding ostomy-reversal surgery and recovery to the difficult adoption adjustment period?  Absolutely not.  Is there anything good about this situation?  Not a thing that I can think of.  

I'm eager to get out of the hospital and back to normal life.  But it hit me last night, we're not going back to normal life.  We're bringing all of this hospital crap (figuratively and literally) back with us, except without the nurses to handle it for us.  And that's just depressing.  I'm angry and scared.  I know I just need to buck up and trust God's grace to get me through.  I know I need to end my pity party.  I just don't know how.  I kind of feel like even if I did choose to be happy and could successfully do it, it's a denial of how awful this really is.  It would be fake, pretending that this isn't absolutely wreaking havoc on my life.

We'd been telling Tabitha about this surgery, that the doctors were going to fix her bottom.  She was OK with that.  But now her bottom hurts so much she can't even sit on the bed, her belly is in pain every time she moves.  And as she just discovered yesterday, she has intestine sticking out a hole in her abdomen with nasty stuff coming out of it.  Yesterday with tears in her eyes she said, "The doctor hurt my belly."  She can't walk, she's in pain, she's got holes all over her body, she's got tubes and bags everywhere, and from her perspective, everything is a whole lot worse than it was before.  And there's nothing I can do about it.  

I know I should end this with a "But here's what God is doing in our lives through this..."  The only words I can share are not my own.  Like Job I must say,  "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"  And like Paul, I cling to this truth:  "Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  God, fix my eyes on that eternal glory, and mold my heart to accept whatever you send my way.  Amen.

Remember Those "This is Your Brain on Drugs" Commercials?

Well . . . this is my daughter:

 This is my daughter on drugs:

Any questions?

 (This grumpy face was a candid shot; I didn't tell her to make it.  It's just the attitude she's had today.)  

Every time she gets her Valium she "passes out" within 10 minutes into a super deep sleep.  Then she wakes up in a fowl mood.  Once that wears off she's complaining about pain, then she gets her medicine and we start it all again.  I'm hoping we can get off the Valium tomorrow and just have the Oxycodone.  

We did go for a wagon ride, which she really enjoyed.  We've had 3 attempts at walking, but I hold all her weight and she barely moves her feet and won't straighten her legs because it hurts her belly.  Pray that she can do it tomorrow so we can get out of this place soon!

Slowly Getting Closer to Normal

Yesterday they did take the monitors off of Tabitha.  That made for a MUCH better night's sleep.  No beeping and not the hourly checking by the nurses.  She did wake up a few times (so I did too), but I slept like a rock in between and feel well-rested this morning.  Tabitha slept until 8:00.  Plus, I guess since it's the weekend, no doctors came at their usual 6 am time.

Yesterday there was a nursing student doing her clinicals here, and she spent most of the day with us.  She was really sweet, and Tabitha really liked her.  She filled up a Radio Flyer wagon with lots of pillows, and we put Tabitha in for a little ride.  Tabitha did not like this idea.  For some reason she just cried the whole time, not out of pain but more like anxiety.  She said that she was scared but couldn't explain why.  My only guess is that all the other times she's "wheeled" somewhere something not-so pleasant happens.  So it wasn't the great outing we were hoping for, but at least she's left the room now.  The Pain Management team came by last night and were pretty firm that she needs to get out of bed and walking today.  I find that hard to imagine since she cries out every time I try to get her to sit up semi straight instead of leaning against the bed.  She complains that her belly hurts, plus sitting up makes her bottom hurt too.  (She has incisions on her bottom, as well as across her abdomen, and then internal cuts vertically up to the rib cage.  So I can imagine she feels pretty much yucky everywhere.)  She also has a bunch of tubes and bags connected to her, so it's not like I can easily maneuver her myself.  Walking will have to be a major production with lots of assistants, and I'm doubting that Tabitha will want to participate.  Pray for her today!

This morning she's eaten a little more than yesterday and seems more like herself.  We had some fun moments, where she was actually laughing at me (until it hurt her belly).  The only trouble with feeling closer to normal is that she now has the energy for bad moods.  I don't know if it's when her medicine starts wearing off or what, but she gets into these foul moods, where she's just mean and demanding or else pathetic and whiny.  I think it's more from the boredom and irritation than pain.  My attitude (about the ileostomy and other stuff we have to deal with) also fluctuates, so I can't blame her too much though!

We spent most of the day yesterday watching Dora (the same DVD about 6 times).  I returned it last night, hoping to get a different Dora, but I couldn't find any.  So right now she's watching Strawberry Shortcake.  But nothing keeps her happy like Dora.

So hopefully today she'll get out of the room a bit.  I'm also hoping to brush her hair today which we haven't been able to do since she'll only lie on her back.  Those are our goals.  Thanks for the continued prayer and encouragement.  And if anybody's in the area feel free to stop by today or tomorrow!  =)

Food, Glorious Food!

Tabitha can eat today!  She enjoyed her apple juice yesterday, but now we're on to bigger and better things.  They said she could pick whatever she wanted, and she chose a donut.  Here she is enjoying it:

Last night was interesting.  I guess she did well, all things considered.  I found the bed rather comfortable.  The only problem was every time I dozed off something would beep and wake me up!  That finally stopped, but there were still nurses coming in every so often, which woke me up too.  Tabitha slept through a lot of it, but did wake up in pain a few times.  This morning the doctors started coming bright and early.  Two of them visited us before 6:30!  It's a little weird being sound asleep and having strangers walk in ready to talk to me.  But, all in all, it was OK.  Much better than some of the nights Heath had here!  Tabitha complained of some pain earlier, but now she's happily eating.  They're going to detach all the monitors today, and give her meds orally now, so she'll be free to get out of bed.  They're planning a trip to the play room for later on.  I'm not sure how that will go since she doesn't even sit up by herself yet.  But we'll see.  They want her to get moving around.

Right now she's painting a wooden turtle, and even laughed a little that I got paint on my hands.  So I think she's feeling OK right now.  Hopefully she'll just keep getting better!

Our Week

Now that I have some uninterrupted time . . . (Does it really take a hospital stay to be able to read my email and update the blog with no one bugging me?!)

Anyway, I thought I'd write a little about what the boys and I did while Heath and Tabitha were away this past week.  On one hand things were much calmer.  I think each child exponentially increases the amount of bickering and stress, so having only two made things pretty easy.  But we did miss Tabitha and Daddy a lot!  It was great seeing them on skype!

Last Friday we went to the zoo with our friends/cousins.  Other than 2/3 of the zoo closing early, we had a good time!  Saturday the boys went to a friend's birthday party at the bowling alley, which they loved.  And that evening we went to one of my former piano student's Eagle Scout ceremony.  I didn't realize what a huge accomplishment that is!  We're considering Boy Scouts for our boys, and I think that would be amazing if they could attain that status some day!

The rest of the time was fairly normal.  Just school and chores and such.  Ethan kept asking to invite people over because he was bored.  But I enjoyed the peace and quiet!  (Well, whenever the boys were outside, that is.)  One fun part was our slumber party!  Sunday night we all slept in the living room for a special treat.  I had gotten Ben-Hur from the library because I like to get movies for whatever time period we're studying in school.  It was mostly just for me; I didn't think they'd be interested.  I put it on, thinking they'd fall asleep.  But they loved it!  It's 4 hours long, so we could only watch half the first night.  The next day Ethan was begging to watch the rest.  They were fascinated by it!  There's one scene where, after Judah had refused to listen to Jesus teach, he carries his sister out of the lepers' cave.  He didn't say where he was taking her (though it was implied he was taking her to Jesus).  Jesse said excitedly, "I think he believes now!"  It was really neat to see them interested in a movie that was more than just entertainment.

Wednesday night was their Awana awards ceremony.  Jesse finished Cubbies this year, and Ethan completed his second year of Sparks.  They've learned a lot of Bible verses, and I'm so thankful for the great program Awana is!

After the ceremony, they went home with Mommom & Granddad (Heath's parents), with fun plans for their two-night stay there.

So that was our week.  Now I'm in for a very different kind of week!  I think I have the easy part though...Heath was here for the hard part.

I'm so thankful for the ability to keep in touch with everyone on the internet.  This would be a much longer, lonelier stay without that!  I'm also extremely grateful for this hospital and the great doctors who are helping Tabitha, and for all the friends and family praying for her and us.  Thank You, Lord!

I'm Here!

I'm here with Tabitha!  This morning I left at 4 am, had a perfectly peaceful all-by-myself drive, and arrived  just after the nurses had taken out yet another failed IV.  Tabitha was crying, so it wasn't quite the welcome I'd imagined, but she does seem glad to have me here.  It's great to be with her, and I got to spend a couple good hours with Heath.  Now he's on his way home.
:(

Since arriving, we've survived insertion of a new IV (NOT FUN!), and lessons on how to handle the ostomy bag.  Heath was still here for that, and he did such a good job with it that I think he's awarded the special honor of doing it all the time!  :)   Actually, it doesn't seem like it will be all that bad.  As long as it doesn't leak.  It did leak this time, but the wound care nurse said it was because it had been on too long, and the sticky stuff wasn't as sticky as it should be.  So if we change it often enough that shouldn't happen.  It's supposed to last 3-5 days, but I might change it every hour just to be safe!  ;-)  We have to demonstrate that we can do it comfortably before being "released," so I guess by early next week I'll be an expert.  She IS allowed to bathe and swim with it, so at least it shouldn't affect our summer too drastically.

Her bowels have started functioning, which means that she can now have clear liquids!!!  Woo Hoo!  No more sponge-water.  She's been downing the apple juice like crazy, and enjoyed a popsicle too.  Hopefully tomorrow she can start real food.  If so, she won't need the IV for meds anymore because she'll be able to take them orally.  That would be a relief since they keep failing.

Now, she's comfortably watching Dora, enjoying her balloons, stickers, cards, and Dora doll that various people have sent.  So we're off to a good start.  Dare I hope it stays this easy?

Wednesday

Tabitha's doing OK today.  She slept for a couple of longer stretches last night and has been awake for longer times today.  She sat on Heath's lap for almost an hour, which was her first time out of bed.  They wanted her to sit up, and also blow bubbles and breathe more, because her oxygen levels were low.  I think they got that to improve.  I last talked to them this afternoon, but I guess Heath's mom talked to them since then.  She said the IV stopped working and they had to redo it.  I'm sure that was not fun for anyone involved.

Heath's bored out of his mind and hasn't had any good sleep since Saturday night.  I know he'll be very glad to get back to his precious Sleep Number bed!  But he's been such a good daddy and taken such good care of Tabitha.  No one could of done a better job being with her through all this, not even her mommy (who may have passed out several times by this point!)  :)

The boys went to Heath's parents' tonight after their Awana awards ceremony.  So I'm alone tonight.  It's a strange feeling.....leaving the boys, getting ready to see Tabitha, getting ready to see Heath but only for a very brief time.  It's like I'm homesick and I haven't even left yet!  I'm just ready for us all to be together as a family again.  I haven't even been at the hospital, but I feel kind of drained just from the emotions of it all I guess.  Sure can't wait for it to be over.  I'm sure Tabitha would agree!

Heath's mom sent balloons to her today.  It was the first time Tabitha showed any excitement about anything and actually had a real smile!  Hopefully she'll be smiling more and more each day.  Thanks for the continued prayer and encouragement!

Today

Not much new to share since this morning.  Heath said Tabitha's been doing OK today.  She's got a bit of a fever tonight again, which they're working on bringing down.  She was having muscle spasms and itching, which can both be caused by morphine, so they've switched her to some other medicine.  (Don't ask me the name!)

She's been in and out of sleep, the longest sleep being about an hour.  Pray that she can sleep longer.  When she's awake, she's OK but getting restless.  Too sore to move but getting sick of lying still.  That doesn't bode well for a week in the hospital. . .  I hope she's able to get up by the time she really wants to.

That's all for now!

A New Day

Just got to see and talk to Tabitha and Heath again.  She seems much better this morning.  Still in and out of sleep and uncomfortable, but she's more "with it" and not looking like a parched desert traveler.  She's allowed to have a sponge of water to keep her mouth wet, but that's it for a couple more days.  They're waiting for the bowels to resume function, which is supposed to take a couple of days.  At that point she'll be able to eat and drink again.

Last night she had a fever and elevated heart rate, but today those are both down where they should be.

Pain management seems to be going well.  She's got a nice little drug button to get more morphine as needed.  The nurse even told Heath that they could push it more often because she's not using as much as she could be.  They're adding some other drug, too, to keep her muscles relaxed because she's been having some involuntary abdominal contractions that aren't good for her healing.

I can't remember if I posted this or not, but she's got 4 tubes in her belly.  Some are for draining urine, but I'm not sure what they're all for.  She'll probably come home with 2 of them still there, to give everything more time to heal before using her bladder again.

So glad that today seems to be a lot better than last night.  Praise the Lord for that!  Keep Heath in your prayers too, since he's only getting short cat naps all night, and even those are on a very uncomfortable fold-out bed.

Tonight

Please pray for Tabitha tonight if you're awake.  I just got off Skype with them, and she looks so miserable.  She's in and out of consciousness on the morphine, but what breaks my heart is that she can't have anything even to drink (let alone eat)!  Heath wasn't exactly sure why she couldn't drink or for how long.  I know they had to make an incision in the bladder in addition to all the bowel stuff, so maybe that's it.  He's going to see if she can at least wet her mouth.  She just keeps asking for water.  It's probably a good thing I'm not there because the Mama Bear in me is ready to go attack whoever it is that's keeping my baby from having a drink!  She was barely awake enough to talk at all, so I said good night and hopefully they'll be able to get some rest.  Nothing I can do but pray.

It's Over!

Heath called about 6:30 to say that the surgery was over, but that he wasn't allowed back to see her yet.  By now, he's probably with her as she's waking up.

Dr. Levitt said everything went beautifully.  Praise the Lord for that!  It took longer because of all the "creating" they had to do.  They had to take bits of this to make pieces of that and so forth.  They discovered that the original pull-thru surgery (to correct the imperforate anus) was poorly done, so he had to totally redo that.  So it's much better than it was before, but we won't know whether or not she has bowel control for awhile.  I'm not sure how that determination is made....hopefully we'll get more information over the next couple days.  Dr. Breech said that the gynecological part was successful, and she should be able to get pregnant someday.  There are 4 tubes in her belly right now for various things, which should come out during this next week.  Estimated hospital stay is at least a week.

The only bad news (from my perspective) is that they did have to do an ileostomy (same thing as a colostomy, except coming from the small intestine rather than the large).  She'll need to have this reversed in about 6-8 weeks (just about the time we go to China....that should be interesting).  I'm trying really hard not to pout like a spoiled child, but I'd been praying and praying that she wouldn't have to have this.  Of course, I was also praying that if she did have it God would give me the grace to handle it, and I'm sure He will.  I've had a few different people whose kids have had one assure me that it's no big deal.  And I guess they're right...we'll get used to it just like we got used to the cathing and the enemas.  But I'm pretty mad and scared and just plain grossed out about it right now.

So, other than my pouting about the ileostomy, everything is good.  I thank God that the surgery was successful, she's safe, and her physical body is (well, will be once she heals) better than it's ever been in the past.  There's much to rejoice about!

Please keep praying, as I'm sure these next few days will be tough for her.  Thanks so much for all the prayer today.  We really appreciate it!

Waiting

It's 5:30, and I just talked to Heath.  He hasn't heard anything all day except that "things are going fine."  It's been 8 hours.  I'm getting impatient; I can't imagine how Heath is feeling sitting in the waiting room all day.  Fortunately Tabitha is asleep and has no concept of how long this is taking!

Better a long wait than a rushed job I guess.

In the O.R.

Tabitha's in surgery now.  The estimated time is 7 hours, and there are almost a dozen people participating in the surgery!  If it goes longer, she may have to be in the ICU tonight, due to the long anesthesia time.

Heath wasn't allowed to hold her while she went to sleep, like we have in the past.  I guess they do the anesthesia in the sterile operating room, so he couldn't go in.  But he said she went with the nurse without crying, and he didn't hear any crying through the door.  That's amazing because in the past she's fought tooth and nail against the anesthesia mask!  So hopefully she just calmly went to sleep!

I think we must be more strongly bonded than we were for her last surgery:  during the previous ones I was very matter-of-fact about it, not too worried.  This time I'm much more emotionally invested.  Maybe it's because it's a huge surgery, maybe it's because I'm not there with her.  But last night I was feeling almost sick to my stomach thinking about all she's going through.  It's probably good I'm NOT there because I may well have passed out by this point!  This morning I'm more at peace, and I know the Lord is watching over her, and she is completely in His hands.

Thanks so much to everyone that's praying for her and us.  It means a lot!

I'll try to update again tonight.

First Day as an In-Patient

Heath and Tabitha had a nice Saturday visiting the zoo and relaxing.  Today they checked into the hospital.  The reason for going a day early is to do a bowel clean-out, so that she'll be totally empty for tomorrow's surgery.  We didn't realize the method for this clean-out though.  I thought it would either be an enema or a drink that cleans out her system.  But I guess those methods aren't thorough enough.  They actually put a tube in through her nose, down to her stomach.  Whatever's in it cleans out her entire digestive tract so there's nothing in it by tomorrow.  Heath said she threw a fit when they put the tube in (of course).  She actually rubbed her nose and pulled it out, and they had to redo it.  But the second one they taped down really well, and she hasn't touched it since.  She's only allowed to have water, which I would've thought would be a lot worse than it has been.  Heath said she hasn't been asking for food, and is doing really well.

So, they've spent a long boring day in the hospital room.  Watching Dora, making crafts, and sleeping.  And the boys and I talked to them on Skype for awhile, which is really fun.  (They're really bored, so feel free to use Skype if you want to talk to them and see them too!  And if you don't know what Skype is . . . it's a free service for video phone calls over the internet.)

Tomorrow will be the big day.  The surgery prep is supposed to start at 8 I think, with the actual surgery at 9:00.  It should probably take about 4-6 hours.  Please keep praying with us.

It's hard not being there, but I'm glad she has such a wonderful daddy to be with her right now.  Can't wait to see them both!

Tabitha's Day

Heath and Tabitha left for Cincinnati yesterday afternoon.  They made it fine, with a fairly uneventful drive.  It's been weird not having them here!  I mean, usually I go away with the kids and leave Heath home.  It's strange being left behind, and not having the two of them here!

Today Tabitha had her cloacalgram.  This is a procedure under anesthesia that puts contrast solution into her and makes a 3D picture of everything inside.  That way when they do the surgery on Monday, they'll know exactly where they're going.  The procedure went fine, but Heath took a beating when she woke up afterward!  She woke up pretty fast after the anesthesia and, even though she was conscious, wasn't all "with it."  She was quite upset and flailing around, managing to leave some good claw marks on Heath.  After a bit she calmed down and was fine after that.

The rest of the day was OK for them, except for the after-effects of all that contrast enema coming out, and not necessarily when and where it should!  I have to say I'm not sorry I missed that part!  My husband is amazing and handles all that kind of stuff much better than I do.

The boys and I went to the zoo with some friends today.  When we got home we got to talk to Heath and Tabitha on Skype and actually see them!  I may be behind the times, but I thought that was really amazing!  Tomorrow Tabitha doesn't have anything going on, so Heath's going to take her to the zoo there.  I hope they enjoy their day because Sunday starts life at the hospital.

For anyone praying for us, here are some specific requests:

safe travel to/from Ohio

wisdom and skill for the doctors

no need for a colostomy (Depending on what they find during surgery, she may need this temporarily.)

an outcome that leads to eventual bowel control  (She currently has no ability for bowel control. With surgery her chances are 50/50.)

pain management during recovery (the surgery is extensive, and I imagine healing will be quite painful for awhile)

the hospital stay (She'll stay up to 10 days in the hospital afterward, and only be fed by a picc line, which I'm sure she won't like.  Also, I imagine it'll get boring being stuck there that long!)

peace for her and for us

anything else I'm forgetting that we should be praying for!

Please thank God with us too:

We have excellent insurance and they agreed to cover this, even though it's out of network.

We were able to get in now, instead of waiting until late summer like we originally thought we'd have to.

That we even found the Colorectal Center, which is probably the best place in the world for handling her conditions!

Tabitha's a tough little cookie and has come through all her other procedures very well.

I'm also very thankful for living in this time in history.  Not only do we have medical procedures that can accomplish amazing things, not only are we able to learn from people we've never met because of the internet, not only can we easily travel across several states to get Tabitha the help she needs, but we can even SEE and talk to each other while we're apart.  As much as I often say I'd love to have lived in an earlier, simpler time, there are definite benefits to living in the 21st century!

Celebrations Galore!

These past few days have been full of celebrations.  Saturday was Tabitha's birthday party, Sunday was Mother's Day, Monday was my birthday, and Tuesday was Tabitha's birthday!  Lots of fun, but after 4 days of celebrating I was sure happy to have no more special occasions!

For my birthday Heath and the kids took me out to dinner in downtown Frederick.  It was a beautiful day, and we enjoyed a nice walk along the canal there too.  Here's us on my birthday.

Tabitha had her "Dora" party on Saturday, and we had a mini celebration as a family on Tuesday, her actual birthday.  It's hard to believe Tabitha's 4!  Somehow in my mind I still think of her as the two-year-old we adopted a year and a half ago.  She's grown up so much in the past 18 months....physically, emotionally, mentally.  With the speech issues and the diaper issues I think I've still been seeing her as a toddler.  But watching her ride her new "big girl bike" today, I realized that she's a "big kid" now!

I'm hoping for a wonderful 5th year for Tabitha.  She's starting off the year with major surgery in a few days, but hopefully the rest of her year will be much more enjoyable.  I'm looking forward to starting her officially in preschool (at home) this fall.  She sees the boys doing their school work and loves to do her version of school work, so I think it will be really fun for her to have real assignments and learn all the fun stuff kids learn in preschool.  She'll also become a big sister this year!  Of course she has mixed feelings about that, but overall we're excited for her to have another girl in the family.

It'll be an exciting year for all of us, I'm sure.  And I can only imagine how much Tabitha will continue to grow and change during this next year of her life.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.  We love you.

Birthday Present from the US Government!

We've been expecting to get our I800 provisional approval for the past 2 weeks.  Today it finally came!!  Right on my birthday!  I guess they were just taking their time so I'd have a nice birthday present.  =)

This is USCIS' approval for us to adopt Feng Hao De (Rayanna) and bring her into this country.  So I just mailed that, along with a bunch of other paperwork, to our agency.  They'll send it on to China.  Then we wait for approval from the US Consulate in Guangzhou.  Then China gives us permission to travel.  Then we go!  It's looking like it'll be July.

Very excited!!

Sun, Sand, Waves, and Relatives

The kids and I just got back from a wonderful week at the beach with the Stuenzi clan. There were about 30 of us there this time, out of 50-something total. As always, it was a lot of fun! We spent hours on the beach, played lots of games, had great conversations, ate tons of food, and even had an evening of "Minute to Win It" (compliments of Cousin Kaylin). I missed Heath being there, since he had to stay home and work. But it was a really nice break and lots of fun. I'm so thankful for the wonderful relatives I'm blessed to have.

Here are some pictures to summarize the week.