Lisa

“A death in the family”. That's a phrase I've never had to use before. Our family has never experienced the sadness of losing anyone. Until now. Other than my great-grandparents (whom I didn't know very well) I've never lost a close friend or family member. I've never had to say, “My ________ died.” Until now.

The last time I saw my aunt Lisa was April 2011 on one of our huge family trips to the Outer Banks. We had a nice, long conversation on the beach—the first time the two of us had ever had such a “real” conversation. Amidst all the chaos of our big family gatherings, I remember thinking how nice it was to talk with her one-on-one, and I was looking forward to the next time we could do that. But I guess that next time will have to wait until Heaven. Last August she was diagnosed with cancer, at the age of only 44. I was scared, but I thought, “Today's medical technology and doctors will fix her.” But they couldn't. As it got more serious I thought, “God's just using this as a trial to draw us all closer to Him. He will heal her.” But He didn't. And now, I keep wishing I'd committed every word of that last conversation to memory. With all her treatments and surgeries and all the family taking turns visiting her, I never got a chance to see her again. We kept in touch by email, but that talk on the beach and the good-bye hug a few hours later, are the last memories I have of her.

What do we do with this? How does a family ever go on without one of its members? Will we ever be the same again? In one way, I know we won't. In this lifetime, we'll never hear Lisa's contagious laugh or see her beautiful smile again. She won't be there adding life to our beach trips and love to our Christmases. We won't have her around to talk with, joke with, laugh with. There will always be something missing when we get together.

And yet I know that our family WILL be the same in some ways. I know we won't lose all the precious memories we have of Lisa. I know we won't lose the connection we all share. I know we won't lose our ability to have fun, even though we've faced grief. And I know we won't lose our faith. Though God didn't answer the way we wanted Him to, He is still good, He is still in control, and He still desperately loves us and will carry each of us through this time of grieving.

Lisa has been an inspiration and an example to many. Her faith was strong, and now her faith and hope have been realized in meeting her Savior face to face. She persevered through suffering, and now her suffering is over. I know she has touched many lives and that God will use this for good. But it hurts. Saying goodbye is always hard, and saying goodbye for a lifetime is so painful. But on the other hand it is just that—a lifetime. And a lifetime is so short compared to eternity. Because of Jesus we'll have all eternity to spend with Lisa, and with Him. Because of Jesus we can grieve without being hopeless. Our hope is fulfilled in Christ, and we will see Lisa again; we just have to wait a little longer than we'd like.

Lisa, we love you and miss you so much. Can't wait until we're together again.